Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Top Ten things I hate in video games (Part 2)

      This is part 2 of my second top ten: Top Ten things I hate in video games. Here are things I truly HATE when I play a game. This is a personal list and it is in no way factual. With that being said, let's proceed to the next five things I absolutely hate in video games.

5. Spam attacks

          If there is one thing I don't like, it it cheapness and nothing is more cheap than spam attacks. My. God! I hate spam attacks. Spam attacks are mostly common in fighting games. I think the biggest offender by far is Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Melee. Pikachu's down B and down smash, Meta Knight's Standard B, Pit's side B, Ness' down A come to mind. These moves are not fair and make the character overpowered and cheap. You won a game against just by using Pikachu's down B? Oh, boy, you sure are good at fighting games. NO. You are not. It is cheap. Since I can't really say anything else other than the fact that it is cheap, I'll stop right here.

4. Useless allies

          Can I ask developers one little question? Why, just why do you give me an ally that doesn't kill enemies and does nothing else? So I can feel a little less lonely? Well, I feel even MORE lonely when my stupid partner isn't able to kill a single enemy. The biggest offender is the LEGO games. You think that with your partners, you'd be able to beat a wave of enemies with ease? No. You are the only one who can kill them and your allies are just decoration. Hey! If you made an ally for me, make it so he can kill my enemies and do what an ally is suppose to do. I think this isn't too much to ask.
                                         If only my stupid ally could do something...

3.  Andross clones

          You know what I really don't like? Unoriginal boss designs. And what is the most unoriginal boss designs EVER? It is none other than Andross clones. I like fighting bosses. I like bosses who try to do something new. But a head with two hands? It is unoriginal. Nintendo has done this SEVERAL times in many of their games. Bongo Bongo from The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, Gohdan from The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker, Wham Bam Jewel and Wham Bam Rock from Kirby Super Star Ultra, Necrodeus from Kirby Mass Attack, Eyerok from Super Mario 64, Tiki Tong Terror from Donkey Kong Country Returns, Oikonny from Star Fox Assault. This has been done to death and is just plain lazy. Stop doing that. Just stop doing that. Heck, even Falco makes fun of Oikonny for looking like Andross.

2. Time limits

        I had a hard between number 1 and 2 but I decided that my number two is time limits. Why do I hate time limits so much? Well, it goes completely against what I want to do. Sometimes, when I play a game, I want to explore my surroundings and such. With time limits, you are forced to get to point B as fast as you can or else you'll lose a life. This sort of thing happens a lot in NES games. Hell, can I appreciate a level with getting brutally punished for it? I also hate when developers had time limits in mini games. Yeah, most of the time it is well done but Donkey Kong 64? Good GOD are the mini games annoying. Mostly because of the time limit. Especially the stupid mini game where you have to lead these little crocodiles in a hole. Ugh. It takes away the freedom of the player and is pretty stressful. I play games to relax! Stop being cheap to me! But there is one thing that is even worse than time limits.

Before we get to number one, let's recap.

10. Button mashing/rotating analog stick as fast as you can

9. Long cutscenes

8. Pay-to-win

7. Not letting me save when I want to

6. Annoying sidekicks

5. Spam attacks

4. Useless allies

3. Andross clones

And finally

2. Time limits     

What can possibly top the unoriginality of Andross clones, the uselessness of useless allies and time limits?

1. Tutorial levels    

         Yes, the number one thing I hate the MOST in video games are tutorial levels. I. F*cking. Despise. Tutorial levels. They are annoying, useless and are most certainly not original. Let's start with why they are so annoying. Most of the time, when you want to play a new game you got, you have to play the tutorial level first to understand the basics of the game. Press this button to jump, use the R button to defend and all that. More often than not, some idiot will interrupt you during gameplay to tell you about these obvious things! Team Rose's tutorial level comes to mind. If I want to know what each button do, I have the freaking manual that comes with the damn game! They are useless. They pretty much waste the players time when he could just read the manual to learn the basics. It is not even necessary to the game. Take a look at egoraptor's Mega Man X video. He pretty much shows us that tutorial levels aren't needed to teach the player the basics! They're not ridiculously long but DAMN, they're boring. It is such a kill joy moment. Just imagine. You get this new game that you've been wanting for months and you expect an awesome first level. No. You have to play the boring ass tutorial level that comes before it. That is lame. Stop insulting people's intelligence. Why do you make a freaking manual if you make a tutorial level? What is the point? I could talk about how lame and boring tutorial levels are but I think these reasons are more than enough for me. I'm the Golden Hedgehog and Tutorial levels SUCK.      

     You can expect the Top Ten things I like in video games soon.      

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